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Why I feel like I have to wait until he’s gone to eat anything, good or bad, is beyond me.  He’s never judged me for what I’ve eaten or stopped me from eating anything. I guess I feel that if no one is around to see me eat it, maybe it didn’t happen.  Kind of the whole tree falling in a forest situation.

Every time I get to eat whatever I want I always think of one thing.

It’s so trashy of me.

I can’t believe I’m admitting this.

Why do I crave Spaghettios out of anything and everything I could eat?  Why? Why? WHY? And it has to have the meatballs.  Which is even sicker!  But I love them. Maybe it’s a call back to my childhood when this is all my mom gave us to eat.  She would throw a can at us and give us a can opener and a spoon.  And we would just eat it out of the can.  (Ok, that didn’t really happen. She was a MUCH better mom than that.  She at least opened the can for us.)

They’re delicious to me.  So trashfully delicious.  And, according to the can, they’re a good source of protein.  So there. 

Am I the only one that craves trashy food? I can’t be alone.  I’m not, am I?

And I don’t think I’m pregnant…

These two do judge me and I take it personal until they start eating things out of the garbage.   

Last night, I was blabbing on about something and I said the words picture frame. For some reason the word frame made the brown dog hop up and look at me like it was a familiar word to her.  She knows a lot of words, I mean I don’t want to brag, but she is probably the smartest dog on the planet. 

I kept thinking, what word that sounds like frame does she know? Frappuccino? Frank? Frere Jacques?

I asked the hubinator and he said, “Maybe it’s F-L-O…”

And this is where my super senses take over and I suddenly am blind and deaf. 

I said, “Flower? Why would she know the word flower?”

He just looked at me like I’m an idiot (I’m assuming since I couldn’t see anything two inches in front of me) and said, “NO-I said F-L-O-Y-D. Floyd! Where did you get flower?”

While he’s busy making fun of me I’m just wondering how Floyd sounds anything remotely like frame.  Yes, they both start with “f” but that’s about where the similar sounds end.

I don’t think I heard the end of it until we both fell asleep.  I’m sooo sorry Mr. Perfect that I turn into a catatonic person when my contacts are out. 

And no, I never found a word that was even close to the word frame that she could have mistaken it for.  That’s the biggest mystery in all of this I suppose.  Either that or how my perfect husband puts up with someone so imperfect.

Speaking of perfection…

The other night he called me outside because this was sitting in our backyard.

[Please note, the above toad is not the actual toad in question]

See how terrifying and scary that is?  He wanted me to move it so the dogs wouldn’t eat it.  So me, being a normal person, picked it up and moved it. 

“What does a toad feel like,” my innocent husband asked.

“It feels like a toad.” I said “Do you want me to get it so you can touch it?”

“Yeah.”

(Remember we’re dealing with an almost 30-year-old man)

I go and retrieve it and bring it to him.  He was getting ready to touch it when the toad peed on me.  Which is completely normal for a toad to do.  And he freaked out and wouldn’t get near it. 

Fast forward to last night.

Junebugs. 

[Please note this is none of the junebugs in question from last night.]

One of his greatest fears.  I’ll admit they gross me out too, but I am not scared of them by any means. 

We were out watching the dogs in the backyard and junebugs were starting to fly in.  He was getting a little antsy and finally after five or six junebugs landed on our porch he had me go in the house (because he could not walk past the junebug invasion) and let him in the side door.

As we were sleeping we heard the buzzing of the wings of a junebug. In our room. I had to be the one to get up, find the junebug, pick it up, and throw it back outside. (As you all should know by now I don’t kill anything–if there’s a spider my husband kills it)

I can’t belive I’m going to have to be the one in this relationship that teaches our kids how to play with bugs, worms, toads, and snakes. 

I’m actually surprised he’s brave enough to even pet our two dogs…

Who could resist though? I mean really…look at them!

[I think the heaven's just opened up and angels are now singing.]

I could not be more excited. 

My neighborhood is, how shall I say this, a little on the trashy side.  Kids running around partially clothed with no parental supervision.  Trash bins constantly left out at the curb days after the trashmen came.  And I’m not sure, but our neighbor may be on something.  That’s just a theory though.

Needless to say I am READY to move. I’ve been ready for about a year or so.  Finally my husband has had enough!  I think the story about a neighbor a few houses down having to kill a fighting pit bull that was dropped off in our neighborhood because it was trying to attack children was the final straw.  Wow, that was a long sentence. 

I’m REALLY excited because looking for houses may be one of my most favorite activities EVER.  I am excited on so many levels. 

Living in a decent neighborhood with decent children and just decency all around may actually change my mind about having children.  I refuse to raise children in our current neighborhood.

OR living in a nicer/bigger place may help me convince my husband we can get a third dog.  But that’s probably just wishful thinking…

All I have to say is, Pups-get ready for a new life.  No more neighbor kids hanging over the fence harassing you.

She began to grow and grow into a cute little toddler-dog.

Another couple of months went by and she grew into her adult sized body.

There was a problem though.  She kept growing and growing and growing and growing.  Instead of growing longer and taller she grew outwards and sideways. 

Now she can barely strain her neck to look over her shoulder.

The end.

Also, the end of her eating anything she wants days.  This pooch is on a diet!  And it’s the most pathetic thing you’ve ever seen. 

If you don’t hear from me, I’m doing some therapy for a dog who’s addicted to food. We’re kindred spirits in that way.

Ok, ok, ok.  I’m not really pregnant.  Obviously. I look too happy to really be pregnant. Also, I hope a couple other parts grow a bit bigger when I have a baby in my belly.  Just to balance things out.  If you know what I mean, and I think ya’ do.  After looking at this picture, I wish the good Lord would have put some of my jaw into my upper lip.  Everytime I smile my upper lip completely disappears! 

ANYWHO…

I’ve really been away enjoying life.  Not spending my nights staring at a computer until bed time.  The last few weeks (or maybe months) (or maybe the last YEAR!) I’ve been feeling a little blue.  Nothing serious, just not happy.  Among other things, I became a little obsessed with caring how many people read my blog, how many people followed me on Twitter, going to the same websites over and over and over expecting some sort new material, etc., etc…Not healthy at all!  And if you know me at all in real life, you know I’ve got a bit of an obsessive personality. Well, ever since deciding to leave my computer off and ENJOY life again I’ve felt wonderful.  Best decision ever!

It helps having a husband who is understanding and patient and puts up with me and loves me more than I deserve.  And also buys me beautiful yellow roses!

Aren’t they lovely?  Before you ask, yes, I do display all flower arrangements on the floor next to the back door.  I think it adds a bit of zen to the household. Ok, maybe not.  Unfortunately, that’s where the best lighting is, so that’s where they pose! I will say, out of all the floor shots that have ever been on the blog, this may be the cleanest my floor has ever been.

I’m ready to bounce back and start blogging again!  And I’m not going to be mopey and downtrodden. Or deep and introspective.  I’m going to be just as mindless and idiotic as I always have been! 

And here’s a little how do ya’ do from the ladies:

Enjoy your day everyone!

I will present to you this gem though:

This was a list of my dream husband in (I would love to say 6th grade due to the *NSYNC references) high school at some point.  My teacher mailed them back to us a few months ago and I had to laugh at several things.

1. Number 5-Likes to argue once in a while.  Who would wish that in their future mate?  I mean really. 

2. Number 6-Enjoys dancing.  I read that one and thought, “Who WAS I in high school?” The thought of going out dancing with ANYONE sounds like a nightmare come true. 

3. Number 8-Older (not much) Well, considering I married someone younger than me, that was off. Although I will admit I am normally attracted to geriatric men.  I’m sure I have some daddy issues…NEXT!

4. Number 12-Good Jaw-line. I’m glad I had my priorities in order.  Although my husband does have a killer jaw-line.

5.  Number 16-Loves to eat.  Ya’ll, it took me years to get my husband to eat desserts.  In fact he used to skip meals because he just forgot about them.  Who does that?  REALLY?! I mean if I accidentally skip lunch, I’ll eat lunch and dinner back-to-back. 

6. Number 19 & 20-love music (especially boy bands) and JC Chasez! Oh. My. Gosh. I was such a dork.  And the fact that I actually turned this in to a teacher!  So awkward.  I’m sure you all have figured out I did not marry JC.  My heart is crushed. 

It’s amazing how much I compromised on who I married. (Kidding honey!) When I re-read that I thought a stranger had written that list.  It sounds nothing like me.  And the fact that I have nothing about loving dogs on there?  I must be crazy!

Do you ever go back and read old things you have written and wonder What was I thinking?

(Photo courtesy of Eric & Lauren)

Luckily, I think my compromise has worked out quite nicely.

Although, these two aren’t exactly what I had in mind when thinking of my perfect dogs!

They’re even BETTER than what I had in mind.  (All together now: awwwwwww)

They’re my husband testing the velocity of the hair dryer and how it may affect how his hair looks.

This isn’t our bathroom by the way.  It’s from when we were in Nebraska.  I would never go to that much effort to make my bathroom look presentable. 

As long as it has a hand towel and toilet paper then I think that’s all people can really ask for in a bathroom.  You’re lucky if there’s a bottle of soap in there.

Oh-looks like this hair dryer didn’t meet his specifications.  The force must have been too much for his hair to withstand.  Because you know, if the air blows too hard, then it will totally ruin a hair-do. 

For some reason he reminds me of this guy in these pictures:

Pauly-D!  Ok, I actually know nothing about Jersey Shore except who the people are.  Because for some reason people care enough about them for it to keep taking up space on my precious gossip websites!

Let me add, I don’t think my husband looks like him, just the hair obsession. 

If only we could all just have fur.  Then hair wouldn’t matter…

That’s Floyd.  I’ve talked about him on here before a couple of times.  He’s my dog nephew.  My brother’s dog. 

Floyd is a special dog.  He was dumped in my brother’s friend’s backyard and ever since my brother took him he has not left his side.  He has to be everywhere his dad is. 

Not that this has anything to do with this story. 

Last night my brother took him to the vet because he couldn’t keep any food down and he was turning into skin and bones.  My brother knew what was wrong.  The x-ray confirmed it.

He had pieces of his beloved basketball lodged in his stomach.  Floyd likes to destroy basketballs and then play with only the pieces.  Well, he liked to play the ULTIMATE keep away and eat the pieces. 

To make a long story short, he had to have surgery to open up his stomach and remove said pieces of the basketball. 

I heard this morning that the surgery was SUCCESSFUL and he’ll be home sweet home Saturday night. 

Lesson learned. A very EXPENSIVE lesson learned.