Archive for September, 2009

Thursday was a gross, gross day.

Dogs, worms, and people all grossed me out.

So, I went to the bathroom at work.  Twice.  There’s actually more to this story I promise.  Each time I was in there, there was someone else in there with me.  And each time they did NOT wash their hands.  I don’t know if I’m prepared to live in a society where people do not wash their hands even in a PUBLIC restroom!  At least humor me and splash a little water on your hands.  Please let me know if you do not wash your hands.  If you don’t I want a two page paper, single-space, Times New Roman as to the reason why you would not wash your hands.  Eesh!

Onto the dogs.  Well, more like dog.  More like Lexi.  My poor little girl.  My husband says, “Ummm WHAT is that?” “What?” “Look at Lexi’s butt…what is that?”  The pup had a bubble, hemroid or some sort of protrusion coming out of her rear end.  It was red.  And about the size of a marble.  Too late to take her to the vet.  Next morning…it was gone!  I figure she just pushed a little too hard in the backyard.  Or it’s something that will eventually cost thousands of dollars to fix. 


Finally to the worm or caterpillar or whatever it was.  The house was smelling a bit doggy so I decided to wash the blankets that we cover the couch with.  As I was throwing them into the washer I look down and there is a (had to be a caterpillar) caterpillar, dead, that had tried to form a cocoon on our blanket. In our house.  An entomologist would have a field day in our house.  Bugs to explore daily. 

I know your sick of hearing about bugs.  I’m sick of talking about them.  Thank goodness that fall and cooler weather is coming.  Bye-Bye mosquitoes…

…Hello Sadie!


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This story has come up in the past couple of days so I thought I’d share with you some fun memories of how I made my husband fall in love with me.

Awww, so young and in love.

Awww, so young and in love.

Sarcasm is totally intended.

Just know that this story takes place about two years AFTER Brian and I first starting dating.  He should know better.  I’m just forewarning with that statement.

Brian and Eric (as in Lauren and Eric) were being nice and went to get Lauren and I ice cream from Marble Slab.  I’m sure you all know what Marble Slab is but if you don’t you basically get to choose your mix-in item to whatever ice cream flavor you wanted.  All I wanted was cheesecake ice cream with chocolate chips mixed in a cone. 

Thirty or so minutes later they come back with the ice cream. 

I took one bite.  Definitely not cheesecake with chocolate chips.  It was DEFINITELY plain vanilla with chocolate chips.  I absolutely HATE vanilla with chocolate chips.  I don’t know why, but I do. Brian knows that and knew that!  I refused to eat it.  He had a phone and could have called and asked what I wanted since they were out of cheesecake.  He thought I wouldn’t notice.  I’m pretty sure I’ve come to a point in my life where I can distinguish the difference between vanilla and cheesecake. 

It sat there.  And melted.

Everyone I’ve told that to thinks I’m the bad guy.  What do you think? 

I know what I think, I think I was a brat.


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People are annoying.  And I’m sorry, if I didn’t complain here then my poor husband would have to listen to me.  So, instead you all are my therapy.

I hate driving.  I hate driving in the city that I live because people are selfish and rude.  Oklahoma is known for their polite people and if you come in contact with them face to face they generally are (at least I know I AM polite, right mom?) but when you get behind the wheel of a car you better be prepared to make other people’s lives easier.  People really would like for you to risk your life in order to save them 3 seconds at a light.

Today, I was driving along minding my own business and I was in the left turn lane at a green light.  Not a green left arrow mind you, just a plain old green light.  The light had changed from a yellow arrow to plain green about ten seconds before I even got up to the light so the cars opposite of me were starting to go.  I look in my rear-view mirror to see this lovely older man raising his hands and yelling, “GO! Why didn’t you go?!” My first instinct was to get out of the car and punch him in the face through his window but instead I decided to just smile and wave at him in the mirror.  Thinking back at it I should have put my car in park and just idled there.  Every time I would inch forward he would inch up on my bumper. 

I finally turn left and he goes zooming by me.  His very important destination you ask?


I kid you not.  He was in that big of a hurry to get his Big Mac on. 

Do you know who I was in a hurry to see? 


You got that right…

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Life just keeps getting more funny with each passing day.  Sometimes I think God has the best sense of humor of ANYONE I know.

Let me just give you some finer things that have happened in the last 24 hours:

  • I had an argument with my husband this morning on if you brush your teeth only once a day if it’s better at night or in the morning.  I say the morning because you’re getting ready to face people and talk to people.  Isn’t that a logical thought? He disagrees and thinks it’s just as gross that I don’t brush my teeth at night as someone not brushing their teeth in the morning.  I’m just too lazy to brush my teeth twice a day.  Judge me all you want. 
  • Update on the DVR situation.  My dad has now referred to it as a BVD machine.  Yes, as is in the underwear that was called BVD’s.  Do they even still make those?  And he would also like to point out that he is the one, so he claims, that fixed the sound issue.  Dream on daddy, dream on.


  • God is toying with my emotions.  I used to never see stray dogs–EVER.  Now all of the sudden I have seen 4, count them FOUR in the last two weeks.  It’s heartbreaking and depressing because I want to take them all home but know that I can’t.  I think it’s Gods way of telling me to quit my job and just stay at home with the dogs. 
  • Finally, my husband almost went into cardiac arrest last night when there was an earthworm crawling around in our house.  It had been flooding and I wish I could explain how an earthworm actually got into our house but it was there. Followed by another.  I asked him how he baited hooks when he used to fish and he said, “I never used worms.” I’m apparently the man in the family.  This morning I picked up no less than 5 dried up worms in our living room.  I have no idea how they got in. 


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Never in my life will I ever want to teach anybody anything ever.  I have zero patience in teaching people to do stuff that I know I can do faster and definitely better than they can.  Ok, not better, but if I know how to do it I’d rather just do it myself rather than teach someone.

On Sunday my husband and I had to hook up and teach my mother and father how to use a DVR.  Let me preface this by saying my dad has the patience of a toddler.  Well, my mother, bless her little heart, couldn’t get their phone to work to activate the DVR after we’d hooked it up.  So that was the FIRST thing I had to do.  Then I heard the dreaded words over the activation recording, “Your DVR is activated.  Please allow up to 20 minutes for it to work.”  After breaking the news to my father he said, “Just forget it. Hook up the old one.  I’ve got about four shows I’m watching right now.”  I basically told him to shut it and just sit there patiently and it will probably come on in a minute. 

Thankfully it comes on and the picture is nice and crisp.  One problem.  No sound.  Crap.  This got my father going again, “Just hook up the old one. I knew you two couldn’t be trusted to do this.” (Please note he’s being sarcastic and not flat out rude) I told him to shut-it again and my poor husband got the brunt of the bashing.  And for some reason my husband clams up around my parents so he just sat there and took it.  Poor guy. He kept inserting comments like, “Oh I’m sure the crowd went crazy with that shot, if only we could hear it.”   Did I mention the first time my father met my husband (boyfriend at the time) he came in holding a butcher knife to his throat and all my husband could do was sit there?  Yeah, it was awesome.

Finally we figured out the issue with the sound and got that squared away.  Now it was time to teach them how to actually use the DVR.  My father just couldn’t grasp the fact that you could pause, rewind, fast forward live television.  I have a feeling I’m going to be getting calls in the middle of the night, “Ok, so if I record this tomorrow I can watch it later that night?” He already called in excitement that one of his movies that he watches constantly, The Cutting Edge, was already being recorded.  Yes, you read that right. The Cutting Edge.

The hardest lesson of this whole thing is going to be teaching him that it’s called a DVR, not a DVD player.   


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I Only Have One Thing On My Mind…

For some reason I can’t get the thought of how much life would be different if dogs had opposable thumbs.

And how I would constantly be yanking food out of my dogs hands…


Like I said, not every entry is a winner people.

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This weekend my sweet husband and I went to Southlake, TX to enjoy a fun weekend shopping, eating, and relaxing in the hotel room. 

As luck would have it a flood that is proportionate to the Biblical flood decided to descend upon Texas and Oklahoma.  It kind of defeats the purpose of a fun outdoor shopping center when you can’t walk outside without getting soaking wet even with an umbrella. 

We didn’t mind so much, we still got to eat and we went to Victoria’s Secret, Pottery Barn and we ate at Cheesecake Factory.  And yes, yes I do realize that all three of those stores are located not ten minutes from my house. 

But I wouldn’t have gotten to take a nap in this hotel room


And I did nap…until my husband woke me up because apparently I was laying on the tv channel guide and he had to have it–right then. 

I also got to take a tee-tee in this bathroom


 It was so luxurious!


But this rainy, dreary view was all we had to look at. 

I did find something out that I didn’t know about my husband though.  He apparently would not stop on the side of the road if there was a baby cow stranded.  He really has no heart.

When we got home our two beautiful, sweet dogs left us a flood of our own about the size of a large pizza on the only piece of carpeting in our house.  Thanks pups!



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Literally just got back from Wal-Mart after waiting two hours for my husband to get his oil changed.  We spent a majority of the time in the waiting room watching The Antiques Roadshow.  Does anyone even watch that show anymore?

Apparently my husband and I have tags on our heads tonight that say, “PLEASE TALK TO US AND MAKE AWKWARD CONVERSTION WITH US.”

One lady I couldn’t even tell half of what she was saying.  I just kept nodding my head and sayin, “Uh-huh, yeah, totally.”  She was talking about the healthcare thing (ignorance alert: I don’t know much about it) and about how Oklahoma is boring.  Wah, then move.

Next, a lady came in and first thing she did was offer us a bite of her sandwich from Subway.  Thanks, but no thanks.  Then we played  “How much do you think that’s worth…” on The Antiques Roadshow.  We humored her and after everything, I mean EVERYTHING it was, “OH my goodness–I can’t believe it’s worth that much!”

I couldn’t really concentrate because I knew that Taco Bell awaited me.

This week I’ve talked about WWE, Taco Bell, WalMart and being ignorant about the topic of healthcare.  I really am fitting the typical Oklahoman stereotype. 

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my dogs?  Because I do…



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One question I keep getting over and over from everyone (and by everyone I mean no one) is what did you do for your anniversary?

Thanks for asking!

It was so romantic.

I had to go outside and wait for my husband to write in the card so I wouldn’t see what he was writing.  Then we exchanged cards, read them in front of each other and said, “Awww, thanks! I love you too!” And as usual I picked out a card that was sarcastic and rude and he picked one out that talked about how wonderful I am. 

We took a stroll in the aisles of Wal-Mart to pick up dog food and Lever 2000. 

Then it was off to pick up the pizza we ordered from a place that is a cheap knock-off of Little Caesars.  I know you all are thinking, something can be cheaper than Little Caesars?  Here’s where I tell you that I love Little Caesars and would eat it everyday until I died if I could.  Judge me all you will.  I can take it!

Then we arrived home and watched a DVR’d WWE Raw from Monday night.  I can’t believe that Randy Orton, he’s so bad. 

Sadly, the whitetrash in me would not want to spend my anniversary any other way.

And OK, OK we’re going to Dallas this weekend to hang out and eat and watch football in a hotel room.  So I guess it makes up for the Whitetrash Bash we had on our actual anniversary…

A couple of awkward shots of the dogs…



And I guess the fact that we’ve had dining room chairs as our “outdoor furniture” for about 5 months now really helps tie in the whitetrashness of my life!

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Friends always have a way of kicking you when you’re down.  Isn’t that what friends are for?  Or maybe it’s just MY friends.

As I mentioned on Friday, Lauren and I went and visited Ginny in the great, stuck in the 70’s city of Tulsa, OK! 

She dragged (it goes against every fiber of my being to not put DRUG) Lauren and I out of bed to watch her do her workout.  She works out doing a thing called CrossFit that you may or may not have heard of and that you may or may not care about.  Ginny is a beast.  She will put any girl, guy, dog or cat to shame with her determination.  She’s a little bit crazy and she’s the first one to admit it. 

I went ahead and dressed the part and at least LOOKED like I was going to work out.  I, of course, did not workout and neither did Lauren.  It looked really hard and I’m lazy and did I mention they were bench pressing A HUNDRED PLUS POUNDS followed IMMEDIATELY by PULL UPS.  Yeah those words aren’t in my vocabulary. 

Instead Lauren and I talked about how lazy we were and probably something about food.  But then these really kind, sweet, thoughtful words came out of Lauren’s mouth, “I bet all of these people think that WE’RE Ginny’s FAT friends.” I just looked and said, “Excuse me?  WE’RE GINNY’S FAT FRIENDS?” She back-peddled and tried to get out of it but not ten minutes later did virtually the SAME words come out of her mouth.  I don’t consider her or I fat by any means.  Thanks friend, thanks.

And thanks Ginny, for making me feel more out of shape and unhealthy than I’ve ever felt in my life.  I’ll use it as motivation to beat you at something.

Oh and before I forget to mention it, the owner/trainer of the gym took off his shirt and I might have forgotten I was married for a few seconds. 

This was my cuddle buddy for the weekend, Bailey.  She’s Ginny’s dog and she makes my dogs look like heathens.




Ok, they’re pretty cute too!


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