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Archive for the ‘fat dog’ Category

Once upon a time there was a dainty little, roly-poly puppy named Lexi.

She began to grow and grow into a cute little toddler-dog.

Another couple of months went by and she grew into her adult sized body.

There was a problem though.  She kept growing and growing and growing and growing.  Instead of growing longer and taller she grew outwards and sideways. 

Now she can barely strain her neck to look over her shoulder.

The end.

Also, the end of her eating anything she wants days.  This pooch is on a diet!  And it’s the most pathetic thing you’ve ever seen. 

If you don’t hear from me, I’m doing some therapy for a dog who’s addicted to food. We’re kindred spirits in that way.

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This Picture:

Reminds me of this print:

For some reason my dog looks more like a pig than a dog.  I’ve been told by several people that she has the shape of a pot-bellied pig.  I think they’re just jealous.
There’s just more of her to love.  Just like her mama. 

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Lexi.  My sweet little, darling Lexi. 

Look at how sweet and innocent she is. 

She could not possibly have one mean bone in her body, could she?

If you decide to come anywhere near HER property you better watch out.  She turns into a lean, mean, fighting machine.  (And I’m being VERY generous with the word lean.)

Uh-oh.  Someone’s been spotted trespassing. 

Get ’em Lexi, GET ‘EM!  Save us from this horrible intruder!

Look at that extension.  The speed.  The ferocity. 

Let’s check in and see what Sadie thinks of these intruders.

She seems unphased, unaltered in her resolve…to break the log into as many pieces as possible.  People, it’s a good, natural alternative to bones-LOGS! 

Lexi’s got her sister’s back though.  She’ll protect her against any force that threatens their sanctuary. 

Even a force as mighty and terrifying as…

 

THE BIRDS!!! 

Wait, birds?  That’s it? 

You know those Robin Redbreasts are pretty frightening this time of year. 

And I think you and I both know the minute an actual intruder breaks in there will be no reaction from the canine species of the household.

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Ok, not really. 

I just wanted you all to think I had some sort of resolve to get involved in political debates. 

I don’t.

Instead I want to talk about my stomach.  My stomach has let me down so much in the past year it’s ridiculous. Back in high school I was called “Old Ironsides” and “The Trashcan” (these nicknames I gave to myself and I was the only one who referred to myself with these names) because I could virtually eat anything in any amount and it would not affect me.

Case in point: Sometime in my early years of high school I had an eating contest with a guy friend of mine.  We each ordered a large pizza and whoever finished first won.  He won, but I still ate the whole pizza.  I was hungry an hour later.  I found out a few years later that he threw up all night. 

Fast forward to New Year’s Eve.  I ate maybe 3 or 4 pieces of pizza, a couple of breadsticks and a few cream puffs (which I might at that my husband was FLABBERGASTED that I had eaten more than one–he must forgotten who he was married to for a second).  About four a.m. I get up with stomach pains.  I knew it wasn’t going to end well and I was right. 

Old Ironsides has gone down.

It was a good run those few years I could eat whatever I want.  I guess now I’ll have to be a grown-up and eat grown-up food in grown-up portions. 

Speaking of portion control-one of my pups is on a diet and one is not.  Can you guess which one?

I’ll give you a hint: It’s the fat, black one who has udders.  And who also eats her bowl of food AND her sister’s bowl if we’re not watching.  We love her at any size but we’re doing it for her own good! 

This is going to be a fun year!

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I WANT ONE…

Or twenty.

I could bore you with details about Thanksgiving that no one (including myself) care about.  I saw family–blah blah blah. I ate food–blah blah blah.  I ice skated–blah blah blah.

The thing I’ll remember the most about Thanksgiving ’09 is this:

And THIS:

Can you handle the cuteness? Oh my goodness, Christmas came early for me when my husband informed me there were going to be 8 floors, EIGHT FLOORS, of bulldogs at the hotel we stayed at in Kansas City. 

As a person who loves dogs and loves bulldogs I almost passed out.  It was a dream come true.  Granted, they stunk the hotel up but it was totally worth it when I got to sink my hands into that soft, blubbery, wrinkled fur. 

The only thing that could have made it better is if I saw one that’s going to be starring in a major motion picture next year.

OH WAIT.

I did!

Meet Edward.  Yes, he is named after Edward Cullen.  He was way less brooding than Edward Cullen though.  He seemed like he knew how to have a good time. 

He’s starring in “The Other Guys” with Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Samuel L Jackson, and Dwayne “THE ROCK” Johnson. 

He gave me his pawtograph.  Wow, I’m sorry that was bad.  And sadly that’s a lie–no pawtograph.

Needless to say, no food or activity lived up to this.  And starting today I will be taking donations for the “Buy Angela a Bulldog” fund.

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My husband and I finally broke down and took Lexi into the vet last Saturday because her constant biting and licking and scratching were driving him and I crazy.  I’m sure it was beyond the point of insanity for her, but she’s a dog.  I’m sure I’ve waxed poetic about the times we’ve taken our sweet dogs to the vet and how perfectly behaved they are. 

Well, this time was no different. IMG_3614

As usual, if there is ANY dog within the vicinity of the check-in desk we have to keep either of our dogs away until it is either our turn or the other dogs leave.  Now, I’m sure it’s the other dogs sending off negative energy that get our dogs upset not the fact that Lexi and Sadie are psychotic. 

We get Lexi on the scale and she is 80 pounds!  We were so happy that she’d lost five pounds!  But our bubble burst pretty quickly when not only the vet, but the nurse told us she needed to lose weight.  Her confidence was shot.  And we actually got a chuckle when the vet said she needed to be in the 50-55 pound weight range.  Ha! What a joke. 

IMG_3497

Next the nurse went to take her temperature–and we all now how that goes.  But instead of getting a startled, deer-in-the-headlights look she just sat down.  On the thermometer.  Poor nurse.  She said, “Oh, we’ll have to tie a string to that next time we do this so we don’t lose it up there!”

Her dignity is stripped at this point.

They take her back to get some skin tests done and she comes back into the room.  Then I notice she had poop hanging from her hiney.  So I had to chase her around the room just to wipe her butt.  There goes MY dignity.  I can see her future, she’s going to be a 10 year old dog wearing a diaper. 

IMG_3357

At this point she was so ready to go when they gave her the cortisone shot she didn’t even notice.

Sadie pouted at home thinking she was missing out on the adventure of her life!

sadiecopy

There’s really no point to this post but I thought of the title this morning and couldn’t stop singing it (Be-be-be Benny and the Jets!) so it had be used!

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Weight a minute…

This is what happens when I have a Friday afternoon off and nothing to do…better than doing drugs I suppose

“Lexi you’re Fat”

“What did you say?”

“YOU’RE FAT!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I hate you…”

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