Archive for the ‘hubby’ Category

For some reason, when I have my contacts out and cannot see a thing all of my senses run amuck.  I don’t seem to hear as well, forget my sense of smell, and food does not have the same taste.  I was always under the impression if you lost one of your senses the rest of your senses would be heightened.  I frightened to know what would happen if I was blind or deaf. 

Last night, I was blabbing on about something and I said the words picture frame. For some reason the word frame made the brown dog hop up and look at me like it was a familiar word to her.  She knows a lot of words, I mean I don’t want to brag, but she is probably the smartest dog on the planet. 

I kept thinking, what word that sounds like frame does she know? Frappuccino? Frank? Frere Jacques?

I asked the hubinator and he said, “Maybe it’s F-L-O…”

And this is where my super senses take over and I suddenly am blind and deaf. 

I said, “Flower? Why would she know the word flower?”

He just looked at me like I’m an idiot (I’m assuming since I couldn’t see anything two inches in front of me) and said, “NO-I said F-L-O-Y-D. Floyd! Where did you get flower?”

While he’s busy making fun of me I’m just wondering how Floyd sounds anything remotely like frame.  Yes, they both start with “f” but that’s about where the similar sounds end.

I don’t think I heard the end of it until we both fell asleep.  I’m sooo sorry Mr. Perfect that I turn into a catatonic person when my contacts are out. 

And no, I never found a word that was even close to the word frame that she could have mistaken it for.  That’s the biggest mystery in all of this I suppose.  Either that or how my perfect husband puts up with someone so imperfect.

Speaking of perfection…


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When it comes to bugs, toads, and snakes my husband is a baby.  I married a little girl.

The other night he called me outside because this was sitting in our backyard.

[Please note, the above toad is not the actual toad in question]

See how terrifying and scary that is?  He wanted me to move it so the dogs wouldn’t eat it.  So me, being a normal person, picked it up and moved it. 

“What does a toad feel like,” my innocent husband asked.

“It feels like a toad.” I said “Do you want me to get it so you can touch it?”


(Remember we’re dealing with an almost 30-year-old man)

I go and retrieve it and bring it to him.  He was getting ready to touch it when the toad peed on me.  Which is completely normal for a toad to do.  And he freaked out and wouldn’t get near it. 

Fast forward to last night.


[Please note this is none of the junebugs in question from last night.]

One of his greatest fears.  I’ll admit they gross me out too, but I am not scared of them by any means. 

We were out watching the dogs in the backyard and junebugs were starting to fly in.  He was getting a little antsy and finally after five or six junebugs landed on our porch he had me go in the house (because he could not walk past the junebug invasion) and let him in the side door.

As we were sleeping we heard the buzzing of the wings of a junebug. In our room. I had to be the one to get up, find the junebug, pick it up, and throw it back outside. (As you all should know by now I don’t kill anything–if there’s a spider my husband kills it)

I can’t belive I’m going to have to be the one in this relationship that teaches our kids how to play with bugs, worms, toads, and snakes. 

I’m actually surprised he’s brave enough to even pet our two dogs…

Who could resist though? I mean really…look at them!

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Ok, ok, ok.  I’m not really pregnant.  Obviously. I look too happy to really be pregnant. Also, I hope a couple other parts grow a bit bigger when I have a baby in my belly.  Just to balance things out.  If you know what I mean, and I think ya’ do.  After looking at this picture, I wish the good Lord would have put some of my jaw into my upper lip.  Everytime I smile my upper lip completely disappears! 


I’ve really been away enjoying life.  Not spending my nights staring at a computer until bed time.  The last few weeks (or maybe months) (or maybe the last YEAR!) I’ve been feeling a little blue.  Nothing serious, just not happy.  Among other things, I became a little obsessed with caring how many people read my blog, how many people followed me on Twitter, going to the same websites over and over and over expecting some sort new material, etc., etc…Not healthy at all!  And if you know me at all in real life, you know I’ve got a bit of an obsessive personality. Well, ever since deciding to leave my computer off and ENJOY life again I’ve felt wonderful.  Best decision ever!

It helps having a husband who is understanding and patient and puts up with me and loves me more than I deserve.  And also buys me beautiful yellow roses!

Aren’t they lovely?  Before you ask, yes, I do display all flower arrangements on the floor next to the back door.  I think it adds a bit of zen to the household. Ok, maybe not.  Unfortunately, that’s where the best lighting is, so that’s where they pose! I will say, out of all the floor shots that have ever been on the blog, this may be the cleanest my floor has ever been.

I’m ready to bounce back and start blogging again!  And I’m not going to be mopey and downtrodden. Or deep and introspective.  I’m going to be just as mindless and idiotic as I always have been! 

And here’s a little how do ya’ do from the ladies:

Enjoy your day everyone!

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Fancy Boy…

Somehow, I totally forgot about these two pictures.

They’re my husband testing the velocity of the hair dryer and how it may affect how his hair looks.

This isn’t our bathroom by the way.  It’s from when we were in Nebraska.  I would never go to that much effort to make my bathroom look presentable. 

As long as it has a hand towel and toilet paper then I think that’s all people can really ask for in a bathroom.  You’re lucky if there’s a bottle of soap in there.

Oh-looks like this hair dryer didn’t meet his specifications.  The force must have been too much for his hair to withstand.  Because you know, if the air blows too hard, then it will totally ruin a hair-do. 

For some reason he reminds me of this guy in these pictures:

Pauly-D!  Ok, I actually know nothing about Jersey Shore except who the people are.  Because for some reason people care enough about them for it to keep taking up space on my precious gossip websites!

Let me add, I don’t think my husband looks like him, just the hair obsession. 

If only we could all just have fur.  Then hair wouldn’t matter…

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I Love Surprises…

Don’t you love little surprises in life? I do.  Especially when it involves someone buying me something.  Ok, I’m not really that materialistic or shallow, I appreciate all of life’s surprises.  Big or little, expensive or free. 

The other night my sweet husband surprised me.  Well, now that I sit here and think about it he surprised me a couple of times in the last few days. 

First, when I came home from getting my hair done (I have bangs again!) I walked into the house and the whole house was vacuumed and Swiffered.  Be still my heart.  My least favorite chore–DONE!  I kept thinking he wanted something out of it but he didn’t.  He did it because he loves me. 

(Collective awwww, followed by a puking sound is what I expect from all of my readers after a statement like that!)

Then the other night I come home from work.  The dogs were a little worked up and I said, “What’s wrong with the dogs?”

He said, “Oh they must just want outside.”

So I go to let them outside and I see these:

Aren’t they wonderful?  And please ignore the dirty mat hanging out in the corner there.  Obviously when staging this photo I did a poor job of removing unsightly eye sores from the picture.

I love the bright, cheery blue and green of them.  They’re just so fun!  And somehow the dogs playing got in the background of both pictures.  The times I don’t want them in a photo they weasel their way in.

Now we can sit out on the porch and enjoy the sweet spring breezes and the smell of dog poop floating through the air.

And our evening entertainment can be these two.

Now I know this picture may make your eyes bleed with how blurry it is.  But there’s two things I love about it: how overly dramatic Sadie (the brown one) is about a little bite on the neck and how both of them have their paws raised all dainty-like while they’re in the midst of fighting.

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I have been in this epic struggle with my weight recently.  My body has rejected every form of excercise I’ve put it through.  All of the wonderful, fatty foods I have given up have been for naught because my body doesn’t care what I eat it wants to stay flabby.  It’s latching on to my fat like it’s life depends on it! 

My husband (can you tell my husband and I are ALWAYS together?) was so sweet the other night to run up to the store and grab a bag of dog food the other night.  Let’s all swoon that my husband runs errands for me.  Well before we think too highly of him, he walks through the door with a bag of stuff for him to make dinner.

“I got something you may want.”

That is never a good sign.  If it’s something that I actually WANT to eat it’s obviously not good for me.

Then this comes peeking around the corner

“Ohhh why did you do that? Those are my favorite,” I said.

He said in a proud voice, “I know, that’s why I got them!”

He obviously forgets what a diet, I’m sorry, “life-style change” entails.  It’s sort of based on not eating junk like that.  And I feel blasphemous calling it junk because–oh how I love junk. 

I can’t knock him for it.  He’s just trying to make me happy–and he does!  But please, oh please don’t bring home anymore junk! The candy bowl at work is hard enough to stay away from!

I’ve only had about five, which says a lot about my self-control.  Otherwise, they entire bag would have been gone in one setting. 

The day is young though…the day is young.

Speaking of Cool Ranch Doritos…wait, this has nothing to do with Doritos:

I guess they could be looking at a Dorito.  Works for me!

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This may possibly be the most controversial topic I’ve ever discussed on my blog.  Even more controversial than the tampon debate of ’09.

My husband and I have been arguing for years over this and I’m sure we’re not the first couple who has debated this.

What is this hot topic you ask?

Being from the south (if you consider Oklahoma the south) and him from the north (if you consider Nebraska the north) I call any cola product coke and he calls it pop.  It drives him absolutely crazy when I want to go to Sonic or somewhere to get a coke when I don’t even drink Coca Cola.  It doesn’t bother me when he asks for a pop so I don’t think it’s completely valid that it drives him crazy when I ask for a coke.  

What’s your preference? 

Here are my arguments that coke is a valid term for any form of cola product:

  • When you want a facial tissue what do you ask for?  A Kleenex.
  • When you want a cotton swab what do you ask for? A Q-tip.
  • If you type in Microsoft Outlook the word coke is not automatically capitalized but words such as: Microsoft, Nintendo, Verizon, & Motorola are (can you tell I was just looking around my living room at things?).  That means Windows does not recognize the word coke as a proper noun. 

I know what you’re thinking: “Why does she care this much?” and “How does she have time to think about such inane things?”

I make time people.  These are important issues that concern my husband and me.  And also, if it means that I can legitimately win an argument I will come up with as much concrete proof as I possibly can.

So, what do you say: Coke? Pop? Soda? 

You won’t be judged here at least by me.  I really am curious.

Now these two? 

(Lovely trashcans in the back, eh?!)

They may judge a little.

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Complaining about husbands is a really fun thing to do.  I could do it all day everyday.  Not necessarily about MY husband per say, but I can easily complain or listen to other women complain about their husbands day in and day out.

I love my husband.  I do.  And while he has his faults, and I have none, I do my best to look past them and love him in spite of them.  Lauren, I can feel you laughing at this paragraph.

Look at that.  How could you not love a man who isn’t afraid to show off his pirouette in public?  Would this even be qualified as a pirouette? I don’t know. 

I love him for stuff like this.  He is not afraid to act dorky in public to make me happy.  He’ll pretend to be interested in the Shiba Inu puppy cam.  He calls me everyday at his lunchtime just to check on me.  He finds hiding spots in the kitchen when I can’t control my eating of Starburst jelly beans.  (And yes, that happened, just last night)

Although he’s not perfect, once again like me, he is perfect in my eyes.

Except when he doesn’t put his dishes away.  Then I want to give him a nice tap on the booty…

And finally, he lets me be obsessed with these two…

And he’s a little obsessed with them too.  Considering they received Valentine’s Day gifts and we didn’t get anything for each other, I’d say he’s okay with this obsession.

Looking at these pictures makes me realize one thing: my dogs need a bath. Stat.

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Here’s the deal.  My husband and I can be sort of competitive. 

 Unfortunately, we’re not competitive about anything worthwhile.  For instance, you can find us in our kitchen tossing marshmallows in our mouth to see who can catch the most.  Or we’ll see who can pin who quicker wrestling. I’m sure we’re not alone in the “things we do to entertain ourselves” category. 

Lately our obsession has turned to our Itouch.  Specifically, Bejeweled and Doodle Jump.

If you don’t have Doodle Jump, DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT, it will ruin your life and your productivity.  Especially if you have a spouse who is constantly competing with you for the high score. 

Currently my husband has the high score in Doodle Jump and I reign supreme (by quite a large margin, a thank you very much) in Bejeweled.  The trash talk is horrendous and embarrassing and even the dogs are ashamed to be in the same household as us.

She those faces. They’re saying “THE HORROR! THE HORROR!”

We’ll continue to be dorks even if the dogs are judging us.  What are some of the dumb things you and your significant other do out of boredom?  Please share, so I feel a little more normal.

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Welcome to Life as a Woman…

My husband and I made a quick trip to the mall last night to get a birthday present for Lauren (Happy Birthday Lauren!). 

The end.

Ok, not really. 

While we were there he wanted to run and try on and pick up some jeans.  He grabbed a pair and ran to the dressing room just to get a quick gauge of where to go from there.

He came out of the dressing room looking a little distraught.  The jeans didn’t fit.  They were too tight. 

The look on his face said it all. Depression. Self-hate.  Why? WHY?! WHY!!!

All I told him was, “Welcome to my world.”  He finally knew what it felt like to be a woman and something NOT FIT PROPERLY.  

I soothed him by telling him what I would have wanted to hear, “It was probably just the cut of the jean that made them tight.”

He also reacted like every woman I know.  Instead of going home and running or working out he got a $10 container of pistachios, cashews, and peanuts.  Now that’s my kind of (wo)man!

Now let’s see…how fat is my husband?

Yeah, exactly.  Not fat at all.  I would still kill for his legs.  Is that a weird thing to say?

Speaking of not fat and fat…

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