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Archive for the ‘Is that too much information?’ Category

Ok, ok, ok.  I’m not really pregnant.  Obviously. I look too happy to really be pregnant. Also, I hope a couple other parts grow a bit bigger when I have a baby in my belly.  Just to balance things out.  If you know what I mean, and I think ya’ do.  After looking at this picture, I wish the good Lord would have put some of my jaw into my upper lip.  Everytime I smile my upper lip completely disappears! 

ANYWHO…

I’ve really been away enjoying life.  Not spending my nights staring at a computer until bed time.  The last few weeks (or maybe months) (or maybe the last YEAR!) I’ve been feeling a little blue.  Nothing serious, just not happy.  Among other things, I became a little obsessed with caring how many people read my blog, how many people followed me on Twitter, going to the same websites over and over and over expecting some sort new material, etc., etc…Not healthy at all!  And if you know me at all in real life, you know I’ve got a bit of an obsessive personality. Well, ever since deciding to leave my computer off and ENJOY life again I’ve felt wonderful.  Best decision ever!

It helps having a husband who is understanding and patient and puts up with me and loves me more than I deserve.  And also buys me beautiful yellow roses!

Aren’t they lovely?  Before you ask, yes, I do display all flower arrangements on the floor next to the back door.  I think it adds a bit of zen to the household. Ok, maybe not.  Unfortunately, that’s where the best lighting is, so that’s where they pose! I will say, out of all the floor shots that have ever been on the blog, this may be the cleanest my floor has ever been.

I’m ready to bounce back and start blogging again!  And I’m not going to be mopey and downtrodden. Or deep and introspective.  I’m going to be just as mindless and idiotic as I always have been! 

And here’s a little how do ya’ do from the ladies:

Enjoy your day everyone!

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I am so sorry to the tens of  you that read this that I’ve been absent.  A trip to Nebraska and banning myself from the computer at nights has really put a damper on my blogging.  Oh, and I’ve actually been too busy at work–the nerve! 

I will present to you this gem though:

This was a list of my dream husband in (I would love to say 6th grade due to the *NSYNC references) high school at some point.  My teacher mailed them back to us a few months ago and I had to laugh at several things.

1. Number 5-Likes to argue once in a while.  Who would wish that in their future mate?  I mean really. 

2. Number 6-Enjoys dancing.  I read that one and thought, “Who WAS I in high school?” The thought of going out dancing with ANYONE sounds like a nightmare come true. 

3. Number 8-Older (not much) Well, considering I married someone younger than me, that was off. Although I will admit I am normally attracted to geriatric men.  I’m sure I have some daddy issues…NEXT!

4. Number 12-Good Jaw-line. I’m glad I had my priorities in order.  Although my husband does have a killer jaw-line.

5.  Number 16-Loves to eat.  Ya’ll, it took me years to get my husband to eat desserts.  In fact he used to skip meals because he just forgot about them.  Who does that?  REALLY?! I mean if I accidentally skip lunch, I’ll eat lunch and dinner back-to-back. 

6. Number 19 & 20-love music (especially boy bands) and JC Chasez! Oh. My. Gosh. I was such a dork.  And the fact that I actually turned this in to a teacher!  So awkward.  I’m sure you all have figured out I did not marry JC.  My heart is crushed. 

It’s amazing how much I compromised on who I married. (Kidding honey!) When I re-read that I thought a stranger had written that list.  It sounds nothing like me.  And the fact that I have nothing about loving dogs on there?  I must be crazy!

Do you ever go back and read old things you have written and wonder What was I thinking?

(Photo courtesy of Eric & Lauren)

Luckily, I think my compromise has worked out quite nicely.

Although, these two aren’t exactly what I had in mind when thinking of my perfect dogs!

They’re even BETTER than what I had in mind.  (All together now: awwwwwww)

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Lexi, Lexi, Lexi…

Where do I even begin?

I’ve discussed here the trouble in taking her to the vet.  She whines the whole time and jumps up on us and is generally just a crybaby.  I don’t blame her, she’s had a lot of issues and has had to be poked and prodded almost every time we’re there.  Most visits usually start out with her leaving a fresh little nugget on the scale or floor.

Saturday she may have gone over the line. 

We’re not sure but Lexi may or may not have left a trail of poop leading into PetSmart. (And someone clear this up for me: Is it Pets MART or Pet SMART?) I’m sorry I’m sharing this with you, but this was a tramatic event in my life.

My husband and I have been going through our memory bank like the Zapruder film.

Here’s the facts: We walked into PetSmart, took her directly to Banfield, a corgi tried to greet her at a cash register, I turned to look at the corgi because they’re oh so cute, I don’t remember seeing a poop trail when I turned around, no other dog the size of Lexi was in the store that we know of, we left her at the vet, turned to walk out and a guy was putting up caution signs because it looked like a clydesdale had walked through there.

If it was indeed her, she didn’t even break stride!  If it was her she never let on that she had pooped.  How could a dog possibly let that much out without someone noticing?

Needless to say I was embarrassed and humiliated.  Mainly because if I had known (and if it was in fact her) I would have cleaned it up.  No one should ever have to clean up that mess. 

And who knows, maybe it wasn’t her.  I’m trying to forget that it even happened.  In fact, I hope you all forget this post even happened.

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Unfortunately I have no pictures to go along with this story…

You know the saying “Inconvenient things happen at inconvenient times”?  No, you don’t?  Well I may have just made it up. 

Why I am sharing this with you I don’t know.  It’s way too much information for you to know about someone you hardly even know. 

When we were in Kansas City visiting my in-laws I got sick.  Not like fun sick where you can lay around and watch tv and just veg, it was the kind of sick that had me running to the bathroom quite often. 

I guess I deserve it.  Not a month earlier I had been making fun of an anonymous friend (I’m sure she would want her identity revealed) for the exact same ailment.  God always has his way of saying IN YOUR FACE when I mock others. 

And as you would expect it was the busiest day of the trip–a football game and a trip to Dave and Busters.  Long car rides and no breaks at home.

I have mastered the dreaded public depositing.  Flush, push, flush, push…shuffle your feet…pull out toilet paper…conveniently cough… It’s a tricky game, but as a woman you can never, EVER be heard. 

Luckily, after five Immodium, probably ten Tums, and a good nights sleep I was back and ready to eat and eat and eat.

Maybe here’s a couple of more pleasant images than the mental image I’ve given you.

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Thursday was a gross, gross day.

Dogs, worms, and people all grossed me out.

So, I went to the bathroom at work.  Twice.  There’s actually more to this story I promise.  Each time I was in there, there was someone else in there with me.  And each time they did NOT wash their hands.  I don’t know if I’m prepared to live in a society where people do not wash their hands even in a PUBLIC restroom!  At least humor me and splash a little water on your hands.  Please let me know if you do not wash your hands.  If you don’t I want a two page paper, single-space, Times New Roman as to the reason why you would not wash your hands.  Eesh!

Onto the dogs.  Well, more like dog.  More like Lexi.  My poor little girl.  My husband says, “Ummm WHAT is that?” “What?” “Look at Lexi’s butt…what is that?”  The pup had a bubble, hemroid or some sort of protrusion coming out of her rear end.  It was red.  And about the size of a marble.  Too late to take her to the vet.  Next morning…it was gone!  I figure she just pushed a little too hard in the backyard.  Or it’s something that will eventually cost thousands of dollars to fix. 

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Finally to the worm or caterpillar or whatever it was.  The house was smelling a bit doggy so I decided to wash the blankets that we cover the couch with.  As I was throwing them into the washer I look down and there is a (had to be a caterpillar) caterpillar, dead, that had tried to form a cocoon on our blanket. In our house.  An entomologist would have a field day in our house.  Bugs to explore daily. 

I know your sick of hearing about bugs.  I’m sick of talking about them.  Thank goodness that fall and cooler weather is coming.  Bye-Bye mosquitoes…

…Hello Sadie!

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I know I’ve discussed me sleeping before (see here).  That was more about positions now I’ve discovered something NEW to add to my beauty while I’m sleeping.  In the last couple of weeks I have woken myself up snoring numerous times.  As far as I know I have never snored in my life but then again my husband is the only one I’ve technically shared a bed with. (Obviously excluding sleepovers and that random donkey in Mexico, but that’s a different story)  I was telling my husband this the other day and he said, “oh yeah you snore occasionally…” My eyes went wide and I’m pretty sure I turned five different shades of red.  I have a complex.  I don’t like sleeping in front of people.  Because of THIS VERY REASON. On top of that he also tells me he knows when I’m falling asleep because I let out a little bark. 

UMMMMMMMM WHAT?!

Ok, so now I bark in my sleep.  I apparently like my dogs a little more than I thought.  Maybe I’m trying to communicate with them.  I guess I do this almost N-I-G-H-T-L-Y! 

Then to top it all off the other night someone said something really funny in a dream I was having and I L-O-L’d in my sleep.  Yes, I said LOL’d–I’m lazy like that. 

I still have yet to talk in my sleep but my husband still has me beat–he screamed bloody murder in his…scared me to death. 

Am I the only one that does weird stuff in their sleep that you didn’t know about until after you got a sleeping partner?

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She was really confused about something this morning.  And no, don’t worry those aren’t her ribs sticking out of her side–they’re rolls.  She is well on her way to a beach body!

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Sadie was too busy sniffing fences and eating grass to pay attention to me.  Big surprise…

On the hair front–THANKS for all of the feedback. I think I’m going to keep it longish but I’m going to add some blonde for the summer.  Since my mom pretty much told me the other day that she wished she had a blonde daughter (I MAY be over-exaggerating). Plus I thought it might be fun to have some blonde at the beach!

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First and foremost I want to thank you all for your condolences and sweet thoughts!  Me, my husband, and his family really appreciate it! 

There’s nothing better to do to get things off your mind than go BRA SHOPPING!!  It’s a nice self-esteem booster–right up there with trying on jeans and bathing suits.  Anyone else hate trying on bras?  I DO NOT! Lauren and I headed out to Victoria’s Secret anyways to see if we could depress ourselves into oblivion.

Apparently my boobs and back have spawned into something out of this world because nothing, NOTHING fit. It didn’t help that it seems that the bra that I had been wearing for the last year (sick I know) had stretched and turned into some hybrid size–so I really had no idea what size i was.  I was afraid to get fitted because I didn’t want the Victoria’s Secret lady saying, “I’m sorry we actually don’t carry 48 AA.” After the first round of bras (which none of them fit) I believe the terms “stuffed sausage” and “more rolls than a bakery” were thrown around. 

Round two went a little better, I still had some sausage under the arm but I refused to go up a size.  So I did what any normal girl would do-grabbed the bra that fit the best and skedaddled.  In the end I went up a cup-size AND up a size around.  Now don’t you feel like you know me a little bit better now? Lucky you!

Could you imagine having to buy a bra for EIGHT boobs?

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