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Archive for the ‘People are dumb luckily I’m normal’ Category

Update, Update, Update…We have a winner.  I hate only picking one because they were ALL so good!  But the winner of the car seat cover is…

Amber who captioned it: “Whaaat? Does this make my butt look big?” Thank you Amber, and yes, that does make their butts look big 🙂

Remember, I’ll be having more contests in the coming weeks.  Thanks again everyone! And a big huge thanks to Pet-Super-Store.com for providing the prize!

Now, back to regularly scheduled programming!

First of all, thank you to everyone who participated in my giveaway.  It was so much fun and I felt like I made a lot of new friends.  I hope to have the winner up as soon as possible.  More giveaways to come in the future for sure!

This past Saturday my husband and I went to the zoo.  The zoo always holds a lot of excitement and amazement and this time was no different.  I’m always amazed at the amount of horrible parents there are out there, no offense if you are a horrible parent. But that was the least of the lessons I learned while at the zoo.

While in the Herpatarium I made one startling observation. Pit vipers look like a certain famous actor.

There’s the little pit viper.  Sweet little fella…

This is Martin Landau in Ed Wood.  Twins? I think so.  It’s unfortunate my husband had no idea who Martin Landau was, so the thought was totally lost on him.  What a waste!

Still having trouble seeing it?

That should help a bit.

Another thing I observed here (and at every aquarium I’ve ever visited) is that NEMO! and DORI! were in fact captured and are being held captive in every aquarium in North America.  If my kid so much as utters those names at an aquarium we’re packing up and leaving.  I’m sorry if your child says that every time they see a clown fish, but, it drives me wacko!  And that would be an extremely sad ending to that movie if they did in fact end up in an aquarium. Come on kids, THINK!

It’s amazing to me how a parent can be standing right in front of a placard that says “JAGUAR” and they will proceed to tell their child about the cute leopard in the exhibit. 

The day was really fun, the animals were all out and playing and doing stuff I had never seen before.  And of course this was all on the day I forgot my camera.  I’m surprised Brad Pitt and George Clooney weren’t at the zoo since I forgot my camera.  I have the worst luck with that.

Finally, my husband and I discovered that our dogs are not in fact dogs.  They have been spliced with other species of animals. 

Sadie of course is a…

Coyote!  Ok, that’s really not that far of a stretch since coyote’s are sort of part of the canine family.  I think.

But Lexi, little Lexi, we found her exact twin at the zoo.

It’s a, drumroll please…

HIPPOPATAMUS!  I mean really, it’s like looking in a mirror. (For her and me both)

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Thursday was a gross, gross day.

Dogs, worms, and people all grossed me out.

So, I went to the bathroom at work.  Twice.  There’s actually more to this story I promise.  Each time I was in there, there was someone else in there with me.  And each time they did NOT wash their hands.  I don’t know if I’m prepared to live in a society where people do not wash their hands even in a PUBLIC restroom!  At least humor me and splash a little water on your hands.  Please let me know if you do not wash your hands.  If you don’t I want a two page paper, single-space, Times New Roman as to the reason why you would not wash your hands.  Eesh!

Onto the dogs.  Well, more like dog.  More like Lexi.  My poor little girl.  My husband says, “Ummm WHAT is that?” “What?” “Look at Lexi’s butt…what is that?”  The pup had a bubble, hemroid or some sort of protrusion coming out of her rear end.  It was red.  And about the size of a marble.  Too late to take her to the vet.  Next morning…it was gone!  I figure she just pushed a little too hard in the backyard.  Or it’s something that will eventually cost thousands of dollars to fix. 

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Finally to the worm or caterpillar or whatever it was.  The house was smelling a bit doggy so I decided to wash the blankets that we cover the couch with.  As I was throwing them into the washer I look down and there is a (had to be a caterpillar) caterpillar, dead, that had tried to form a cocoon on our blanket. In our house.  An entomologist would have a field day in our house.  Bugs to explore daily. 

I know your sick of hearing about bugs.  I’m sick of talking about them.  Thank goodness that fall and cooler weather is coming.  Bye-Bye mosquitoes…

…Hello Sadie!

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People are annoying.  And I’m sorry, if I didn’t complain here then my poor husband would have to listen to me.  So, instead you all are my therapy.

I hate driving.  I hate driving in the city that I live because people are selfish and rude.  Oklahoma is known for their polite people and if you come in contact with them face to face they generally are (at least I know I AM polite, right mom?) but when you get behind the wheel of a car you better be prepared to make other people’s lives easier.  People really would like for you to risk your life in order to save them 3 seconds at a light.

Today, I was driving along minding my own business and I was in the left turn lane at a green light.  Not a green left arrow mind you, just a plain old green light.  The light had changed from a yellow arrow to plain green about ten seconds before I even got up to the light so the cars opposite of me were starting to go.  I look in my rear-view mirror to see this lovely older man raising his hands and yelling, “GO! Why didn’t you go?!” My first instinct was to get out of the car and punch him in the face through his window but instead I decided to just smile and wave at him in the mirror.  Thinking back at it I should have put my car in park and just idled there.  Every time I would inch forward he would inch up on my bumper. 

I finally turn left and he goes zooming by me.  His very important destination you ask?

MCDONALDS!

I kid you not.  He was in that big of a hurry to get his Big Mac on. 

Do you know who I was in a hurry to see? 

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You got that right…

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Quick story for you…

So, I don’t know if ALL Chick-Fil-A’s have started this obnoxious little language or if it was just something that the fine folks in Tulsa started.  Or they could have been doing it because the BIG boss was there.

I don’t know, I don’t care, but it MUST stop!

We walk in Friday night and they all say “hi, welcome to Chick-fil-A!” That’s fine nothing wrong with that. 

Then when they handed me my drink I said, “Thanks.” And the guy said, “My pleasure.” Then I heard, “My pleasure” coming out of the guys mouth that was taking my friend Ginny’s order.  This is getting out of hand.

Ginny and I went to get a straw and a Chick-fil-a girl was refilling the condiments.  She said to Ginny, “I like your shirt.” “Thanks,” she said.  “MY PLEASURE!!!!” said the girl.  ENOUGH with the MY PLEASURE–just say you’re welcome or no problem.  I realize they’re being polite and that they HAVE to say it but is it really necessary after complimenting someone’s shirt? 

I still love you Chick-fil-a. 

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Is it just me or is this Lexi’s skinny angle?  She looks so little here!

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And this one of Sadie, it looks like she’s wearing a fur collar. 

Maybe I’m just hallucinating…

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I’m confessing I don’t know how to spell nubby (or gnubby or knubby or bnubby or jnubby) I just don’t know.  I barely knew how to spell werewolf.  I left out the e. 

In 6th grade I came in third place in a spelling bee behind two 8th graders.  The word I got out on? Vulture. It’s a tough word, although for the life of me I can not think of how I could possibly misspell that word.  I’m sure it was just nerves.

And it really has nothing to do with what I want to say.

Last night my friend Lauren and I were talking about things we were made fun of for both recently and in the past.  Considering I had two older brothers who were relentless in making fun of me and a couple of recessive genes passed on to me (thanks mom and dad!) I was teased unmercifully.  At least now that I’m older people don’t do it to my face, but we all know how it goes when you’re a kid.  Kids have no filters. None. Zip.  They let you know what’s wrong with you.

From about the time I was in kindergarten up until probably junior or senior year of high school I was made fun of for having hairy arms.  Now there’s hairy arms and there’s what I had–HAIRY ARMS.  Obviously my brothers made fun of me for it but they eventually grew tired of it and found more creative ways to get me.  They moved on to making fun of my nubby toes. (Seriously I don’t think I have a joint in my toes they’re so small)  But not kids at school.  It would be werewolf or gorilla or “why are her arms so hairy?” It hurt.  It hurt everytime I would hear someone whisper something about it. 

But you know what? I’m a grown-up now.  I’ve learned that a Venus razor is my best friend.  And everyone from the past can suck it.

Speaking of hairy women…

I’m not sure what Sadie said to Lexi–but whatever it was, was not kind.

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RETALIATION!

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Anything you all were made fun of for that you care to share? Just to make me feel better about myself obviously!

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Two amazing things happened Wednesday night.  First, I actually got out of the house and did something other than watch Ghost Hunters!  Second, we went to watch the OKC Thunder (basketball) play and they actually WON!  It’s a miracle!  Their record is now a whopping 11-35. 

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My boss gave me the tickets for free so it was a nice free evening!  It is probably a very good thing that we didn’t pay for these because for some reason I tend to spend more time watching people than I do watching the game. 

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The most ridiculous question I have ever heard at a sporting event occurred this night.  I actually had to calm down my husband so he wouldn’t say anything to the guy. 

The guy turned to the people he was with and said, “Now is this an NBA game or what is this?”  My jaw about hit the floor!  Just look at the court-NBA is written ALL OVER IT!  Give me a break!  I couldn’t believe it!

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Most of my night though was spent looking at the “Thunder Girls” and feeling SO much better about myself! They’re all so FAT!  Or maybe not…

Just a couple of more pics of the angels from the snow the other day!

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I was SO excited yesterday because the shoes I ordered from Target were going to be on MY doorstep last night when I got home from work.

Were they?

Of course not.   The UPS tracker SAID they were on my porch but I looked everywhere–even on the BACK porch just to be sure.

Nothing.

No sign of shoes or a shipment ANYWHERE!!!  I am pretty certain someone stole the target box off our porch.  Who would do that? At Christmas?  And let me just say, if someone DID steal it I hope it was a guy.  Because now he’s the proud owner of two, count them, TWO pairs of lovely size 5 1/2 women’s shoes. 

I’m thinking I want to set up a sting with a camera hidden somewhere.  Although, if someone was stealing packages off my porch then I’m pretty sure a camera would be stolen too! 

Has anyone ever had a package stolen off their porch? Or have your packages been sent to the wrong address?

In other news, there’s dead grass in our back yard.  A lot of it.  And my sweet puppies just love rolling around in it and bringing it inside!  It’s like Christmas everyday in my house with all the gifts the dogs bring me…

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I’ll be by to visit everyone tonight when I actually have time!  Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

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