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Archive for the ‘Stuff you probably don’t care about’ Category

For some reason, when I have my contacts out and cannot see a thing all of my senses run amuck.  I don’t seem to hear as well, forget my sense of smell, and food does not have the same taste.  I was always under the impression if you lost one of your senses the rest of your senses would be heightened.  I frightened to know what would happen if I was blind or deaf. 

Last night, I was blabbing on about something and I said the words picture frame. For some reason the word frame made the brown dog hop up and look at me like it was a familiar word to her.  She knows a lot of words, I mean I don’t want to brag, but she is probably the smartest dog on the planet. 

I kept thinking, what word that sounds like frame does she know? Frappuccino? Frank? Frere Jacques?

I asked the hubinator and he said, “Maybe it’s F-L-O…”

And this is where my super senses take over and I suddenly am blind and deaf. 

I said, “Flower? Why would she know the word flower?”

He just looked at me like I’m an idiot (I’m assuming since I couldn’t see anything two inches in front of me) and said, “NO-I said F-L-O-Y-D. Floyd! Where did you get flower?”

While he’s busy making fun of me I’m just wondering how Floyd sounds anything remotely like frame.  Yes, they both start with “f” but that’s about where the similar sounds end.

I don’t think I heard the end of it until we both fell asleep.  I’m sooo sorry Mr. Perfect that I turn into a catatonic person when my contacts are out. 

And no, I never found a word that was even close to the word frame that she could have mistaken it for.  That’s the biggest mystery in all of this I suppose.  Either that or how my perfect husband puts up with someone so imperfect.

Speaking of perfection…

 

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When it comes to bugs, toads, and snakes my husband is a baby.  I married a little girl.

The other night he called me outside because this was sitting in our backyard.

[Please note, the above toad is not the actual toad in question]

See how terrifying and scary that is?  He wanted me to move it so the dogs wouldn’t eat it.  So me, being a normal person, picked it up and moved it. 

“What does a toad feel like,” my innocent husband asked.

“It feels like a toad.” I said “Do you want me to get it so you can touch it?”

“Yeah.”

(Remember we’re dealing with an almost 30-year-old man)

I go and retrieve it and bring it to him.  He was getting ready to touch it when the toad peed on me.  Which is completely normal for a toad to do.  And he freaked out and wouldn’t get near it. 

Fast forward to last night.

Junebugs. 

[Please note this is none of the junebugs in question from last night.]

One of his greatest fears.  I’ll admit they gross me out too, but I am not scared of them by any means. 

We were out watching the dogs in the backyard and junebugs were starting to fly in.  He was getting a little antsy and finally after five or six junebugs landed on our porch he had me go in the house (because he could not walk past the junebug invasion) and let him in the side door.

As we were sleeping we heard the buzzing of the wings of a junebug. In our room. I had to be the one to get up, find the junebug, pick it up, and throw it back outside. (As you all should know by now I don’t kill anything–if there’s a spider my husband kills it)

I can’t belive I’m going to have to be the one in this relationship that teaches our kids how to play with bugs, worms, toads, and snakes. 

I’m actually surprised he’s brave enough to even pet our two dogs…

Who could resist though? I mean really…look at them!

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The big news around our house in the past couple weeks is that we have officially decided to move. 

[I think the heaven’s just opened up and angels are now singing.]

I could not be more excited. 

My neighborhood is, how shall I say this, a little on the trashy side.  Kids running around partially clothed with no parental supervision.  Trash bins constantly left out at the curb days after the trashmen came.  And I’m not sure, but our neighbor may be on something.  That’s just a theory though.

Needless to say I am READY to move. I’ve been ready for about a year or so.  Finally my husband has had enough!  I think the story about a neighbor a few houses down having to kill a fighting pit bull that was dropped off in our neighborhood because it was trying to attack children was the final straw.  Wow, that was a long sentence. 

I’m REALLY excited because looking for houses may be one of my most favorite activities EVER.  I am excited on so many levels. 

Living in a decent neighborhood with decent children and just decency all around may actually change my mind about having children.  I refuse to raise children in our current neighborhood.

OR living in a nicer/bigger place may help me convince my husband we can get a third dog.  But that’s probably just wishful thinking…

All I have to say is, Pups-get ready for a new life.  No more neighbor kids hanging over the fence harassing you.

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Ok, ok, ok.  I’m not really pregnant.  Obviously. I look too happy to really be pregnant. Also, I hope a couple other parts grow a bit bigger when I have a baby in my belly.  Just to balance things out.  If you know what I mean, and I think ya’ do.  After looking at this picture, I wish the good Lord would have put some of my jaw into my upper lip.  Everytime I smile my upper lip completely disappears! 

ANYWHO…

I’ve really been away enjoying life.  Not spending my nights staring at a computer until bed time.  The last few weeks (or maybe months) (or maybe the last YEAR!) I’ve been feeling a little blue.  Nothing serious, just not happy.  Among other things, I became a little obsessed with caring how many people read my blog, how many people followed me on Twitter, going to the same websites over and over and over expecting some sort new material, etc., etc…Not healthy at all!  And if you know me at all in real life, you know I’ve got a bit of an obsessive personality. Well, ever since deciding to leave my computer off and ENJOY life again I’ve felt wonderful.  Best decision ever!

It helps having a husband who is understanding and patient and puts up with me and loves me more than I deserve.  And also buys me beautiful yellow roses!

Aren’t they lovely?  Before you ask, yes, I do display all flower arrangements on the floor next to the back door.  I think it adds a bit of zen to the household. Ok, maybe not.  Unfortunately, that’s where the best lighting is, so that’s where they pose! I will say, out of all the floor shots that have ever been on the blog, this may be the cleanest my floor has ever been.

I’m ready to bounce back and start blogging again!  And I’m not going to be mopey and downtrodden. Or deep and introspective.  I’m going to be just as mindless and idiotic as I always have been! 

And here’s a little how do ya’ do from the ladies:

Enjoy your day everyone!

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I am so sorry to the tens of  you that read this that I’ve been absent.  A trip to Nebraska and banning myself from the computer at nights has really put a damper on my blogging.  Oh, and I’ve actually been too busy at work–the nerve! 

I will present to you this gem though:

This was a list of my dream husband in (I would love to say 6th grade due to the *NSYNC references) high school at some point.  My teacher mailed them back to us a few months ago and I had to laugh at several things.

1. Number 5-Likes to argue once in a while.  Who would wish that in their future mate?  I mean really. 

2. Number 6-Enjoys dancing.  I read that one and thought, “Who WAS I in high school?” The thought of going out dancing with ANYONE sounds like a nightmare come true. 

3. Number 8-Older (not much) Well, considering I married someone younger than me, that was off. Although I will admit I am normally attracted to geriatric men.  I’m sure I have some daddy issues…NEXT!

4. Number 12-Good Jaw-line. I’m glad I had my priorities in order.  Although my husband does have a killer jaw-line.

5.  Number 16-Loves to eat.  Ya’ll, it took me years to get my husband to eat desserts.  In fact he used to skip meals because he just forgot about them.  Who does that?  REALLY?! I mean if I accidentally skip lunch, I’ll eat lunch and dinner back-to-back. 

6. Number 19 & 20-love music (especially boy bands) and JC Chasez! Oh. My. Gosh. I was such a dork.  And the fact that I actually turned this in to a teacher!  So awkward.  I’m sure you all have figured out I did not marry JC.  My heart is crushed. 

It’s amazing how much I compromised on who I married. (Kidding honey!) When I re-read that I thought a stranger had written that list.  It sounds nothing like me.  And the fact that I have nothing about loving dogs on there?  I must be crazy!

Do you ever go back and read old things you have written and wonder What was I thinking?

(Photo courtesy of Eric & Lauren)

Luckily, I think my compromise has worked out quite nicely.

Although, these two aren’t exactly what I had in mind when thinking of my perfect dogs!

They’re even BETTER than what I had in mind.  (All together now: awwwwwww)

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If you are here for the Apple/Itunes giftcard it is found here. Although you can read this post too!

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Here’s the deal, my body is extremely interesting–in a weird sort of way.  Mainly my appendages.  I’ve talked about my nubby toes and small feet here. My father gave me the stubs gene so I look like I’m walking on hooves.

I want to delve a little deeper into the appendage known as the toe. 

Let’s take a look, shall we?

Ok, ignore the waffle pattern on my foot.  Clearly I had just taken off a sock and this was THE ONLY time I could take a picture of my foot.  Maybe not…anyway, back to my point.

That’s my foot from a distance.  Pretty stumpy and my toes are barely there.  I’m not sure I even have joints in my toes. 

Let’s take a closer look…

First things first-look at my second and third toes.  Do you notice something? They’re slightly WEBBED.  I’m part duck people!  I actually have a friend with the same two toes webbed pretty much the whole way up.  And we were actually born in the same town only four days apart. There must be something in the water!

Ok, secondly (am I boring you yet? If so, you can stop reading) my third and fourth toes.  Look at the tips of them.  The tips are crooked!  Here’s some arrows to help you out:

The nail sits properly on the toe, but the tip of the toe is CROOKED. I don’t understand what my mother must have been doing when she was pregnant with me! Probably nothing, I’m just part mutant. 

And don’t even get me started on how many lines I have on my toes/foot.  You should see my palms!  A palm reader would never be able to tell me my future.

Well, now that I’ve made you and me sick by all of these foot pictures, let’s take a look at something a little cuter.

I think Lexi looks like a black panther in this picture.  She’ll snap your leg in half just like that stick. Watch out!

Ten million dollars says I was holding a tennis ball.

I hope the dog pictures cleansed your eyes of monstrosities that are my toes.

Over and out…

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If you’re looking for the Apple/Itunes Giftcard Giveaway it’s located here.

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My life is way more exciting than yours.  I can assure you of that.

Here’s an example of a night at my house at the height of excitement.

My sweet husband beckons me outside where he has spotted something unusual up in the tree.

Why the heck is there an apple in the tree?  As far as I remember, this isn’t an apple tree. (The humor never stops on this blog people.)

My husband’s best guess is a squirrel or a cat had it and left it in our tree.

I, of course, have other thoughts on the matter.

I think, that maybe this is THE apple from the Bible.  And somehow in a parallel universe it got caught up in a time continuum and our back yard is in fact The Garden of Eden.  That apple could be worth millions.

It’s either that or maybe a hobo is living in our backyard and accidentally left his lunch in the tree. 

And another thing, I actually dragged (is it dragged or drug) a step ladder out in the backyard this morning to take those pictures.  So, you’re welcome.

And ANOTHER thing, these two girls are falling down on their job if they’re letting hobos live in our backyard.

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